U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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