I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
