God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
