My hand turned me down
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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