we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
