I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
