Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
