The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
