Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
