WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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