My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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