i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
