he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
