I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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