why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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