I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
