yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
