That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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