Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
