It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
