and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
