I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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