Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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