Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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