dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
