go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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