Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
