"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
