you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
