The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
