it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
