Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
