Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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