I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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