I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
