im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
