You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
