when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
