You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
