Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
