didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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