Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
