Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
