I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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