Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
