pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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