In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
