yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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