closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
