So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
