please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
