Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize