u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
