I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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