used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
