SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Acid is not a monday night drug
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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