hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
