too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
