And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
