he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
