Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
