As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
