Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
