that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
