What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
