my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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