rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
